People with herpes should wear stickers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
