I heard we made out
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
