dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
