Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
