It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
