they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
