I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
