If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
