Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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