I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
