The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
