dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize