I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
