Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
