just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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