Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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