Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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