you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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