office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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