My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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