She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
