I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
