I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
