Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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