kristin has been a bad kristin
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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