she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
