(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
