I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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