Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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