he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
