wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
