You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
