So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
