new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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