your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
