We're facebook friends in real life
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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