He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
