Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
