Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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