and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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