i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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