Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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