a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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