I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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