yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As shirtless as possible
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
