Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
