Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
