3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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