____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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