dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
