I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
