Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I believe in your delicious
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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