he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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