That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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