Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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