My friends, they love my intelligence
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
His nipple licking is glorious
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