By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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