Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize