The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I've blown a few things in my day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
