sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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