this beer tastes like vomit already
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
