I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
