yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
