i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
