69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
