can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
