I just pynch a tree in the face
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
