My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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