I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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