so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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