I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
