Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We had sex on a dog bed..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
