It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
