We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
