I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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