Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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