people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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