she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
