last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
