I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
