shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So. Much. Porn.
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