Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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