dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bring me that man meat
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
